The Colbert Questionert: Firewater Edition

After watching Stephen Colbert interview Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep, using this same list of questions, I decided to attempt to answer them myself.

• What is the best sandwich? Without a doubt, it is the Reuben. Corned beef, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut, Thousand Island salad dressing (should be Russian dressing, I suppose, but this is fine), on rye bread. The bread should be lightly buttered and the whole sandwich heated up grilled-cheese style.
• What is the one thing that you own that you should really throw out? At the top of one of our closets, I have a complete instructional course to learn Spanish that’s all on audio cassettes. I no longer have anything that will play audio cassettes.
• What is the scariest animal? I think I’d go with a bear. We give our kids stuffed teddy bears, while Paddington, Winnie, Baloo, Yogi and various Berenstains condition children to think of bears as cute, cuddly and harmless. They are not.
• Apples or oranges? I’d say oranges at least two days out of three. I prefer tangerines or Cuties.
• Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Sure I have. Tommy Faile and Uncle Jim Patterson. It’s not important that you know who they were, because I do. Also, the author Richard A. Knaak autographed one of his paperback books for me at a Barnes & Noble in Memphis, Tennessee, about nineteen years ago. But, I didn’t ask him to.
• What do you think happens when we die? The short answer: I don’t know. Slightly longer answer: either something or nothing. If it’s nothing, and death is the end of everything, there’s still something comforting in that. If it’s something, I hope that it’s true that we can be forgiven for most of our petty sins. Worst case scenario: enslavement by evil ant-like overlords who serve the Elder Gods.
• What is your favorite action movie? Raiders of the Lost Ark.
• What is your favorite smell? Today, I’d say vanilla. But, freshly-mown grass gives it a run for its money.
• What is your least-favorite smell? Rotten meat (which includes roadkill and any death and decay, I suppose). The smell of old ketchup in a hot car is pretty bad, also.
• Exercise: Is it worth it? I believe it is. The better question is “Do you exercise?” And that answer is either a flat-out “No” or “Not enough.”
• Flat or sparkling? Sparkling.
• What is the most-used app on your phone? Amazon Music.
• You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: What is it? “2112,” by Rush. It clocks in at twenty minutes, thirty-three seconds, and has seven distinct parts. It’s also available on Amazon Music.
• What number am I thinking of? 42
• Describe the rest of your life in five words. Past: Best predictor of future.

That’s it. A bit of fluff on a Saturday morning in 2021.

Cheers.