Star Wars:The Phantom Menace (a 15-Minute Force production): Chapter Nine: There Are Always Two: No More; No Less. Well…More or Less.

  2:00:01 – The End Qui-Gon Jinn has just been skewered by Darth Maul’s wicked-looking double lightsaber as we begin this, the final segment of our movie. Obi-Wan remains separated from his master by one of those random red force screens that seem to exist only for dramatic purposes. Qui-Gon didn’t vanish when the Sith […]

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Star Wars:The Phantom Menace (a 15-Minute Force production): Chapter Eight: Executing A 14-Year-Old Queen’s 3-Pronged Battle Plan

  1:45:01 – 2:00:00 The Gungans come out of the fog and march towards battle while one of them blows on a didgeridoo, as if this were a television commercial for Outback restaurant. They surround themselves with some sort of energy shield as they approach the droid army. You see, I wanted to say “force […]

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Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (a 15-Minute Force production): Chapter Seven: A Lot More Meetings and General Jar Jar

1:30:01 – 1:45:00 As this 15-Minute Force segment begins, Anakin is still being tested by the Jedi Council. Master Yoda asks Anakin how he feels and Anakin says he feels cold. At this point, it seems Yoda interprets that as fear, although this is a callback to his earlier conversation with Padmé; he’s cold because […]

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Star Wars:The Phantom Menace (a 15-Minute Force production): Chapter Six: Face Tattoos and Inconceivable Vergences

1:15:01 – 1:30:00 We begin where we left off. Anakin runs back to his mother, Shmi, hugs her and says, “I just can’t do it.” It would be a more effective scene if Jake Lloyd had been a better actor. Shmi tells him to be brave and not to look back. Anakin vows that he […]

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Star Wars:The Phantom Menace (a 15-Minute Force production): Chapter Five: And the Winner Is…

1:00:01 – 1:15:00 Anakin starts the race already in the hole. That’s the rule for writers, isn’t it? Get your protagonist up a tree, and then throw rocks at him. We’re making things difficult for Lil’ Anakin at the beginning of the race, because there would be little tension if he led the race the […]

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Star Wars:The Phantom Menace (a 15-Minute Force production): Chapter Four: The Results are in…Your Midichlorian Count says…You Have No Father

  45:01 – 60:00 You know, it’s come to my attention that I didn’t say anything about Jake Lloyd’s acting during our last segment. Here’s the thing, I don’t really like criticizing child actors too harshly. When a child is an excellent actor, as Natalie Portman was long before this movie, I don’t mind saying […]

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Star Wars:The Phantom Menace (a 15-Minute Force production): Chapter Three: Chekhov’s Pod Racer (or, Mack Daddy Ani)

30:01 – 45:00 Qui-Gon and Jar Jar are beginning their trek to the spaceport across the all-too-familiar desert terrain of Tatooine when Captain Panaka comes after them with the handmaiden Padmé in tow (we’re still pretending that she’s not Queen Amidala). Panaka tells Qui-Gon that the queen commands that he take her handmaiden with him. […]

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Star Wars:The Phantom Menace (a 15-Minute Force production): Chapter Two: New Weesong and Bigger Fish

15:01 – 30:00 Yousa cannot bees hair. Dis army of mackineeks up dare tis new weesong. This is the first line of dialogue from the character Boss Nass. I am not fluent in Gungan but I get the gist. You cannot be here. Then something about an army of machines, maybe. You’re on your own […]

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Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (a 15-Minute Force production): Chapter One: I Have a Bad Feeling About This

This post represents my deep-dive into the first fifteen minutes of The Phantom Menace, which in the Star Wars story line chronology is the first of the Star Wars movies. Why would anyone do this to himself? That’s a question I hope to be able to answer before too long. As I embark on this […]

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