\\ presents . . . Star Trek III: The Search for Spock — Ch. 6: What Happens After the USS Enterprise Blows Up (Or: Kirk Scores a New Ride)

01:15:01 – The End Lt. Hulu took off his tunic and, bare-chested, began fencing with Dr. Macklemore on the bridge of the 15-Minute Federation. Hulu had a tendency to do this when he grew bored at his station, which was frequently. The helmsman was dueling with one of those collapseable plastic lightsabers, while the doctor […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek III: The Search for Spock — Ch. 5: Extreme Late-Term Abortion (Or: Saavik is All Vulcan)

01:00:01 – 01:15:00 The 15-Minute Federation docked at Starbase 1234, and we were finally able to take some well-deserved shore leave. The base is governed by the benevolent duo known as Dave & Buster, known throughout the galaxy for their old-school video games and free-flowing beer taps. Captain James C. Firewater also had a secret […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek III: The Search for Spock — Ch. 4: Scotty Makes a Plumbing Metaphor (Or: Vulcan Hand Sex)

00:45:01 – 01:00:00 Dr. Macklemore went to Captain James C. Firewater’s ready room, which was a small office adjacent to the bridge of the 15-Minute Federation. Pleased to find the captain alone, Doc pitched his voice real low and whispery so that the rest of the bridge crew wouldn’t overhear their private conversation. We all […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek III: The Search for Spock — Ch. 3: Spock’s Coffin is as Empty as Al Capone’s Vault (Or: Snow on Cacti is Major Evidence of Climate Change)

00:30:01 – 00:45:00 On our way to Deep Space 10, an old Sears location that is currently a furniture liquidator, we detoured in the shuttlecraft Copernicus Seven to pick up Galactic High Commissioner Firewater at his home planet. Yes, the high commissioner was Captain Firewater’s elderly father. The captain informed the high commissioner that our […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek III: The Search for Spock — Ch 2: The Enterprise is Getting Mothballed (Or: Let’s Go to the Instant Replay)

00:15:01 – 00:30:00 Captain James Claudius Firewater took the entire bridge crew with him on an away mission to Alpha Omicron Pi, where the all-female inhabitants of that tiny planet were raising revenue with something they called a CAR WASH. The plan was to get the 15-Minute Federation‘s shuttlecraft, the Copernicus Seven, cleaned and then […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek III: The Search for Spock — Ch 1: Lt. Saavik is now Dick Sargent (Or: Bones Picked Up a Hitchhiker)

00:00:00 – 00:15:00 For days after the bridge crew of the 15-Minute Federation watched Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Commander Spork annoyed everyone within earshot, saying things like “Ship. . .out of. . .danger?” and “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few . . . or the one.” And […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan — Chapter 7: The Battle of the Mutara Nebula (Or: A Whole New World)

01:30:01 – The End As it turns out, early in his career as the captain of the 15-Minute Federation, James C. Firewater had stranded his nemesis Genghis Noonan Sheehan—the genetically-engineered Irish superman—on the planet O’Shaughnessy’s Corner Pub with his crew of drunken dart-throwers. The Archon of the planet—Colm O’Shaughnessy himself—ended up losing his liquor license […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan — Chapter 6: Changing the Conditions of the Test (Or: Joachim Possessed the True Superior Intellect)

01:15:01 – 01:30:00 The 15-Minute Federation sent a landing party to the only M-class planet in the Big Box System, a world known as Walmartus IV. The landing party consisted of Captain James C. Firewater, Commander Spork, and Lt. O’Hara. Captain Firewater planned to negotiate a trade agreement for the 100-count box of dilithium crystals. […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan — Chapter 5: KHAAAAAANNN!! (Or: Chekov as the Manchurian Candidate)

01:00:01 – 01:15:00 We could tell it was going to be a whimsical duty shift on the bridge of the 15-Minute Federation because comical oboe music was playing over the ceiling speakers and our alien guest stars were all speaking in exaggerated Irish brogues. On the orders of Captain James C. Firewater, Commander Spork had […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan — Chapter 4: Taken Down by a Prefix Code (Or: Kirk Continues to Fail Upwards)

00:45:01 – 01:00:00 Lt. DiAngelo, the chief geologist on board the 15-Minute Federation (who’s never been seen by anyone before this fateful day), went on his first away mission with our Holy Trinity: Captain Firewater, Commander Spork and Dr. “Ribcage” Macklemore. He was killed just moments after the landing party materialized on the planet Pepp-Boyz […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan — Chapter 3: Kirk Deals with an Angry Ex (Or: The Needs of the Many Outweigh the Needs of the Crew)

00:30:01 – 00:45:00 Nurse Transept has lodged a formal complaint because, other than the occasional pretty yeoman who briefly joins the crew, she is the only female on board the 15-Minute Federation. She says that this has led to a hostile work environment, and that she is forced to do double-duty as the voice of […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan — Chapter 2: Chekov’s Terrarium (Or: Lt. Saavik’s Deviated Septum)

00:15:01 – 00:30:00 During the mission to Homeus Depotus VI, Commander Spork pricked his finger on a thorn of a rose bush in the planet’s garden center. It was one of those flowers that proliferate in the Trek Universe, and Dr. “Ribcage” Macklemore says the thorn prick will either kill Spork or else take over […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan — Chapter 1: Lt. Saavik is Half-Romulan (Or: Dr. David Marcus is Half-James-T-Kirk)

00:00:00 – 00:15:00 A lively conversation occurred today on the bridge of the 15-Minute Federation about movie sequels that were better than the original films. Lt. O’Hara turned from the communications console and said Godfather II was clearly the better film, and he preferred to imagine that Godfather III didn’t exist at all. Lt. Hulu […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Motion Picture — Chapter 8: . . . And Then Decker Does Something (Or: Wait. What? And, Everyone Lived Happily Ever After)

01:45:01 – The End We beamed our landing party down to Homeus Depotus VI on a routine surveying mission. The landing party consisted of the following crewmembers: Captain James “Claudius” Firewater; Commander Spork; Dr. Dylan “Ribcage” Macklemore; a pretty female yeoman the captain recruited from Risa; and, two red-shirted dayworkers the landing party picked up […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Motion Picture — Chapter 7: Spock Completes a Side Mission (Or: V’ger Has Daddy Issues)

01:30:01 – 01:45:00 A new ensign joined us as navigator here on the bridge of the 15-Minute Federation. He has shaggy hair and goes by the name Shecky Pavlov. He looks a lot like Captain Firewater’s pet sheepdog. He also salivates every time he hears a bell ring. To be fair, he salivates when he […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Motion Picture — Chapter 6: Why Do V’Ger Probes Take Showers? (Or: Reducing Carbon-Based Units to Data Patterns)

01:15:01 – 01:30:00 Commander Spork just suggested that we slingshot around the McDonald’s on the corner and go back in time just long enough to take advantage of the breakfast menu. Lt. Hulu, who serves as both our helmsman and main source for pirated episodes of Castle Rock, reminds Spork that some of the breakfast […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Motion Picture — Chapter 5: An Over-Abundance of Reaction Shots is an Unwarranted Gamble (Or: We Get Probed by Aliens!)

01:00:01 – 01:15:00 Lionel Smith was made Chief Engineer on our crew because Captain James “Claudius” Firewater insists that “Smith” is a proper Scottish name, and we just had to have a Scot as Chief Engineer because that was the template created by Montgomery Scott. Never mind the fact that Lionel insists that 95.6% […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Motion Picture — Chapter 4: Hey, Look Who’s Back, Y’all! (Oh, Spoilers . . .Spock Joins the Party and He’s a Pooper)

00:45:01 – 01:00:00 Captain James “Claudius” Firewater briefly called a red alert earlier today when Communications Officer Lt. O’Hara (who got the job because his name most closely resembled Uhura’s) spilled his pumpkin spice latte on the communications station board. There were a few sparks and O’Hara dropped the stainless steel honey spoon he keeps […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Motion Picture — Chapter 3: The Bald Lady and the Wormhole (Or: Belay That Phaser Order! Arm Photon Torpedoes!)

00:30:01 – 00:45:00 Chapter 3 of The Motion Picture Edition of the 15-Minute Federation begins with the Epsilon IX listening post being assimilated by the Borg . . . Wait. Wrong era. The listening post is being wiped out of existence by the Seeing Eye cloud, which has a diameter roughly the size of our […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Motion Picture — Chapter 2: Decker Gets Demoted (Or: Dr. McCoy Was Right About Transporters All Along)

00:15:01 – 00:30:00 As we begin our next chapter of The Motion Picture Edition of the 15-Minute Federation, we join Admiral James T. Kirk in his gray-and-white uniform. He’s looking fit and trim, with the pointy sideburns, as he steps out of an air tram into Starfleet HQ. He runs into Lt. Commander Sonak, a […]

//\\ 15-Minute Federation //\\ presents . . . Star Trek: The Motion Picture — Chapter 1 : Seeing Eye Clouds and Failed Kolinahr Tests (Or: Easing Back Into Federation Space)

00:00:00 – 00:15:00 Hear the sound of the bosun’s pipes as you exit the turbolift and step onto the bridge of the 15-Minute Federation. We welcome you to a new project under the 15-Minute proprietary banner. This one will encompass all of the Star Trek movies, from those featuring the cast of the original series, […]

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15-Minute Federation